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| From xkcd |
On the days when I was my most terrified, when my mind reeled with the fear that I might die and leave my kids without a mom, I prayed to God and asked for strength. I never once asked to be fixed. Even when looking at my own mortality, it felt wrong to ask for anything beyond strength. I mean, I have lived a pretty rich life, full of love and wonderful people. Right now, someone is praying to God for something I have taken for granted. How could I ask for more. But it felt OK to ask for a little help keeping it together, so I could face what I would face in a way that would not scare my kids. So, if I did die, I would have left my kids with happy memories right up to the end.
So I found my courage in my spiritual beliefs and in the knowledge that I had good people praying for me and keeping me in their thoughts. And right now, I am keeping others in my thoughts. Too many others. And so it will continue, as we look for bigger, better and more accurate slings and arrows against this and all the other nasty diseases.
Here's to finding courage wherever we can...and to finding weapons in science.
Posts
Cyn, Thanks so much for you kind comment on my blog. I really didn't know what to expect from that post, but just went with it anyway.
ReplyDeleteI think this post of yours is my favorite so far. At times I have felt like you, wanting to make as many good memories as possible in case I'm not here later. I try to avoid such morbid thoughts, but some days they rear their ugly head. Here's to courage, knowledge and prayer!
Thank you, Nancy. It is a surreal thing, getting cancer, don't you think. I never could have imagined what it actually does feel like. Or imagined how one responds to it. Thanks for sharing the trip with me. I can't tell you what it means to meet people like you at a time like this! :-)
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