New life, new choices

Ok - not sure about that as a name, but perhaps it is less morbid and less cringe-inducing for my guy.

12. Put it away now. If you just leave it lying there, and then leave other things on top of it, you are going to take a simple task and make it harder. This is true of books, mail, dirty dishes, toys, clothes, and fat! :-)

Things to do before dying...

9. Be the person you want your children to be.

Things to do before dying...

My husband suggested this morning that I might like to occasionally mention that this theme isn't the result of some recent "bad news."  So, no I have not had any bad news about my cancer. In fact, at my last appointment, my oncologist examined me, found nothing of concern and reassured me that I am doing very well. But I get it - people casually visiting my blog may assume I am getting ready to shuffle off this mortal coil.

But maybe I am. The point of my self-examination is that now that I have had to face the possibility of dying earlier than I had planned, I have started to look at life differently. And perhaps others may want to as well.

9. Embrace your guilty pleasures. Me - I like Van Halen's Panama, Crunchy Cheetos, tapioca pudding, and root beer floats. Scotch on the rocks, raw chocolate chip cookie dough, Cherry Garcia ice cream, and crime novels. Do not regret them, or see shame in them. Relish them. Celebrate them. They are your comforts for a reason.

Things to do before dying...

8. Don't let bad weather keep you inside. Walk in the rain, play sports in the snow, garden in the wind. (Within reason folks - no swimming during lighting storms or biking in gale force winds.) Layer up and assess the need for rain gear - then get outside! Make the decision about whether you can handle it from outside, rather than inside, the house - it isn't usually as bad as it looks!

Things to do before dying...

   7. Let a child teach you how to do something. I was going to write, Ask a child to teach you how to do something, but that is rarely necessary. Most children are itching to teach and to lead. And they are remarkably patient teachers. And see, right there, that's worth learning all on its own.

Things to do before dying...

1. Talk less and listen more.
2. Play hide and seek whenever you get the chance.
3. Agree to disagree, gracefully. 
4. Find someone you like to argue about movies with.
5. Grow your own food.
6.  Learn how to cook three things really well: one for breakfast, one for company, one for yourself.

Things to do before dying...

1. Talk less and listen more.
2. Play hide and seek whenever you get the chance.
3. Agree to disagree, gracefully. 
4. Find someone you like to argue about movies with!
5. Grow your own food. You will know where it comes from and how it was grown. You will share an important skill with your children. And you will know the incomparable taste of a warm tomato straight off the vine.

More things to do before dying

1. Talk less and listen more.
2. Play hide and seek whenever you get the chance.
3. Agree to disagree, gracefully. 
4. Find someone you like to argue about movies with! It is with a very heavy heart that I watched the last episode of At the Movies tonight. I was a huge fan of the original show with the Roger Ebert and the late Gene Siskel. They didn't just make it cool to seek out non-Hollywood films and to love documentaries. They also made it acceptable, preferable even, to disagree about a movie loudly and enthusiastically. (And almost always gracefully -see point 3.) I was such a huge fan I once convinced a friend to get Roger Ebert's autograph for me when I couldn't attend a screening he was introducing at a Vancouver Film Festival, back in the 80s. Over the years, I continued to tune in, sporadically, watching the hosts come and go but always enjoying the original premise of two people reviewing a movie rather than the traditional one found in newspapers. So, not it's gone but there is a bright light (aside from the ongoing presence of Roger Ebert's website) - news that Roger Ebert and his wife, Chaz, are working on a new movie review show. I can only hope it will continue to encourage people to not just watch movies, but to dissect, debate and delight in them. And for that we really do need a companion.

Things to do before dying...

1. Talk less and listen more.
2. Play hide and seek whenever you get the chance.
3. Agree to disagree, gracefully. You might actually be wrong. And it's easier to save face later if you didn't make an ass of yourself defending your opinion.

Things to do before dying...

1. Talk less and listen more.
2. Play hide and seek whenever you get the chance. (I just interrupted a game to come and add this to my list. My cohorts are 5, 6, 8 and 9!)

If you knew you were going to die...

...you would probably start living your life differently. You know it's true.

My best guess is almost everyone who faces a life threatening disease experiences a stunning moment of realization - "Holy crap, this might kill me!" And it is this fear, this acknowledgement of mortality, that brings a lot of us quickly to the conclusion that we have to start making better life choices now.

These days, I see this most obviously in my parenting. I don't feel like I have the latitude to make mistakes that I might have had before. If I die in the next few years, my children are going to remember the way I treated them now. So I remind myself to be more patient, and less quick to anger. I try to make a better effort to make the consequences match the infraction, to catch them being good more often, to find the teachable moments that are meaningful and relevant. And, when I screw up I apologize, quickly and sincerely.

You have probably seen those bucket lists where people advocate making life changes before they, um, kick it. Before I was diagnosed, I thought I paid attention to the messages they contained. But in reality, I forgot about them pretty quickly. Then cancer came, shoved me up against the wall and smacked me so hard upside the head that I am still spinning. And the penny dropped.

So, if I could have just a moment of your time, could I ask you to just believe me. If you were in my shoes, you would see the need for more thoughtful living. It would resonate in your soul in a way few other things do. And I would really rather that you not have to get cancer to learn this lesson.

So, starting now I begin my list of the new choices I am making in my life. I'm going to try to make this a daily posting. If you are so inspired, please share your own. Which reminds me what my first choice was going to be...

1. Talk less and listen more.